‘Self-Soothing.’ What is it and why do it?
There are sometimes when we just feel overwhelmed, like we can’t cope or can’t calm ourselves down, especially after a scare or when something stressful happens. Or during stressful times like exams.
There are things you can do.
‘Self-soothing’ is a skill that we learn as young people. It’s when we stop relying on our care givers to make us feel better and realise we have to do it for ourselves. It’s a brain function, not something we choose to do, so don’t worry, you don’t have to really think about it!
Some people find it easy, and others have to work harder at it, but when you find the right things that work for you everyone can do it.
Imagine you are watching a scary movie, what do you do? Cover your face, cuddle the dog, eat your favourite sweets or popcorn? They are all things that help your body remember that the threat has passed, or it isn’t real. You have self-soothed!
Why do I need to self-soothe?
If you feel stressed, rushed, overwhelmed, frantic, anxious, or unconnected to others, or if you overthink things, repeat thoughts over and over, constantly worry, or feel frightened of things you might want to learn some self-soothing techniques.
It’s not a magic wand (sadly) but choose good ones and practice them and they will help you manage your wellbeing better.
Make positive emotions to replace negative emotions. Re-centre yourself, come back to the moment, tell your body you are safe. Soothe yourself.
Things you can try:
The more of your five senses you can use the better, so find things to look at, feel, listen to, smell and taste. Look around you right now, what things can you see? Have you got a fidget toy or piece of blu-tack in your pocket to touch? Is there a pet or a teddy nearby that you can stroke or cuddle? Can you feel the grass or sand by your feet? Rub your own fingernails with the pads of your thumb. Have you got any of your favourite sweets, a mint or a chewy? Can you smell flowers, petrol, cooking, or your dog!? Becoming aware of these things make your body ‘present’ grounded in the moment. Have a nice warm bath or shower with some nice body wash (touch and smell!). Try and ‘feel’ the skin on the back of your own hand, give yourself a hug or ground yourself by imagining your feet are connected to the ground like magnets.
Some people have a ‘self-soothing kit’ (like a first aid kit but without the plasters). It can be full of all your favourite sensory things…. photos, soft toys, fidget spinners, pop-its, blu-tack, tea bags, sweets, perfume, magic sand, a nice candle. Your phone could have a play list or a go-to calming track, a folder of calming photos of the people or things that make you feel safe and loved. When you feel overwhelmed or just want to check in with yourself open your first aid kit and feel yourself settling down.
So, find things that make you feel safe. Try giving yourself a hug, telling your self that you are ok and using your sensory tool kit.