Self-Harm & Self-Injury
Testimonies from young adults who have experienced and recovered from self harm, and professionals who work with self harmers.
What is Self-Harm or Self- Injury?
Self-harm, or self-injury, describes when someone hurts them self on purpose to relieve feelings of distress. People sometimes self-harm when life feels too much to cope with.
If someone you know is self-harming try not to panic. Self-harm is a way of managing very intense feelings or thoughts. These feelings can be overwhelming. Hurting themselves may be the only way they can feel some relief or let the feelings out. If you are self-harming keep reading for help support and advice.
Self-harm is a way of expressing complicated feelings. These could be feelings of guilt, shame, or self-hatred. People often describe a feeling of numbness which can leave them wanting to feel a physical pain. Some people feel very alone and think there is no-one they can talk to, or no-one will understand them. There are lots of different reasons why people self-harm.
Do people self-harm because they are feeling suicidal?
It is usually a way of coping rather than an attempt at suicide.
Unfortunately, sometimes someone may hurt themselves more than they intended. This can increase their risk of accidental suicide.
Self-harming is often a hidden activity as it a private and personal way of coping. It is not always a 'cry for help', and isn’t a suicide attempt.
In more recent years self-harm was something that was often talked about or carried out by young people when they didn’t know how else to manage complicated feelings. Social media has played a large part in creating a culture where harming yourself was something people felt able to do and talk about.
What might the person experience?
When someone carries out an act of self harm or injury they will experience a short but intense sense of relief from the difficult emotions they experience.
This is because they are feeling physical pain at the site of the injury (caused by the cutting, burning, pinching, or scratching) a physical site them to focus on.
This creates bleeding or marks on the skin dependent on the type of injury.
Depending on the severity of the damage to the skin there will be some scarring where the skin heals itself.
At the time of the harming, they may get feelings of sickness or dizziness, weakness or fatigue.
The person may have deep feelings of self-hatred, shame or disgust towards themselves and at their self-haring actions.
Alternatively the person may have a sense of calm or panic.
They may feel out of control or feel confused about why they are harming themselves.
Many people who self-harm report that it is a habitual behaviour. A bit like 'an itch that needs to be scratched', something that helps them, but also controls them. This means it is often difficult to stop without support.
How to help someone who is self-harming?
Stay calm and say you think you have noticed their self-harming behaviour. Ask them if they can talk to you about it, or if they have a trusted adult they can talk to.
Tell them that you care about them and would like to support them.
Remember that you are not responsible for their behaviour, but you should talk to them and encourage them to get some help.
There are lots of really good websites that can give you more detailed information – you could look at:-
youngminds.org.uk/young-person/my-feelings/self-harm
mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/why-people-self-harm
nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/self-harm/getting-help/
I am harming myself and want to stop
If you are self-harming and want to stop or reduce there are lots of things you can do. It may seem impossible but do have what it takes to change your behaviour. Believe in yourself and you can achieve it, even the smallest changes can make a big difference.
Tell someone that you are looking to change your behaviour - this gives you some support and can motivate you to stop.
Feeling prickly, angry, lonely, sad or depressed?
What can I do when I feel like I want to hurt myself?
When you are agitated, angry hurting or overwhelmed find ways to self-sooth. All this means is find things that make you feel safe and able to relax. You will know what these are but as a guide it’s things like this: -
Have a warm bath as this helps your muscles to relax.
Stroke a pet (preferably one with fur!)
Massage your hands or feet.
Bounce a basketball.
Brush your hair.
Paint your nails.
Do kicky-uppies.
Cuddle a teddy bear or a squishy!
Have a nice warm drink and put a good film on.
Have a good cry.
Sleep.
Listen to some calm music.
If self-soothing hasn’t helped try and be active and do constructive things like: -
Make a list and tick them off to show your achievements.
Untangle string, wool or headphone wires, (repetitive and methodical).
Cook a meal.
Go for a run.
Bake a cake.
Go to the gym/park/basketball court.
Phone a friend.
Phone a helpline.
Tidy your room, rearrange your photos or sort out your clothes.
Or if you are creative you could:-
Build Lego (then destroy it)
Use a fidget toy (mindfully)
Draw - nice things or express how you feel on the paper.
Paint (with a brush or your fingers or your toes!)
Colour - calming and repetitive
Knit.
Sing.
Make a playlist.
Dress up / do cosplay.
Make some stuff from recycled materials.
Use play dough or make salt dough and create some mini-monsters.
And if none of these things sound like they will work for you (although we would still suggest you give some of them a try)
There is a thing called ‘displacement’ which you can try instead of injuring yourself: -
Draw on your skin with a red pen.
Snap an elastic band on your wrist or ankle.
Use henna for temporary tattoos.
Rub ice on your skin.
Use a body scrub and exfoliator in a hot shower.
Touch your old scars.
You can change your behaviour and stop self-harming. It might take time, effort and energy but will ALWAYS be worth it.
Be positive and kind with yourself: -
Set yourself a target to say you won’t harm for the next so many minutes.
Remind yourself that you don’t want to go to hospital.
Remind yourself of how you have to hide your scars in the hot weather.
Keep yourself safe:-
Make a plan and make your safety your priority.
Ask yourself -
What can I do to keep myself safe when I want to harm or injure myself.
What can other people who care about me do to keep me safe from harming or injuring myself.
Sometimes life can give you difficult things to process and this can make you feel sad, lonely, upset, angry, naughty, unable to cope, anxious, or depressed.
Everyone has different life experiences so you can’t compare the way you react to a situation to the way someone else does.
Learning how to overcome your self- harming behaviours is possible. There are lots of things that you, your family/carers, friends, school and community can do to help increase your resilience. Be open and talk about your feelings is a good start. Find a trusted adult and start to offload your worries.
There are many reasons why someone may experience periods of poor emotional health. It’s normal to have a wide range of emotions and it is important to recognise how you are feeling.
You may feel anxious, stressed, scared, nervous, afraid, jittery, lonely, tired all the time, crying often, sick, angry, panicky, overwhelmed, lacking focus or overthinking.
Self- harm is not the only solution.
MANAGING EMOTIONS
Normal Emotions
We all experience a range of emotions but sometimes things might happen that means we might not be able to deal with these very well. For example: someone dying, difficulties at home or friendship breakdown. This is ok and perfectly normal.
When are they not OK?
When your emotions affect you on a daily basis and affects school, family, friends, social life and stops you from doing things, it can become a problem.
Unhealthy ways of expressing your emotions
Downers – focus only on negative things, overlooking or dismissing positives (negative glasses)
Self-harming
Misusing drugs and alcohol
Fighting – getting into trouble etc
Feeling thoughts - strong emotions cloud how we think and see things
Blaming me or others for my problems
We all express our emotions in different ways some are better than others
What can we do to manage our emotional health and wellbeing?
Take a time-out. Do some yoga, listen to music, meditate, read or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem helps clear your head.
Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Keep healthy, energy-boosting snacks on hand.
Get enough sleep. When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest.
Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health.
BREATHE! Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. IN for 3, HOLD for 3 and OUT for 3.
Count to 10 slowly. Repeat, and count to 20 if necessary.
Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which is not possible, be proud of however close you get.
Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it as bad as you think?
Welcome humour. A good laugh goes a long way.
Maintain a positive attitude. Try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
Talk to someone. Tell friends and family you’re feeling overwhelmed and let them know how they can help you.
If none of these things help you it may be a good idea to talk to a professional. There are so many people you can talk to about your how you are feeling. It does not have to be a big deal or drama. You can talk to your HSIS School Youth Worker confidentially, your teachers, mentors, school nurses.
GETTING HELP
Further Support
Health Services in Schools Youth Workers
HSIS Youth Workers are a team of professionally qualified youth workers. The team currently work in Wirral Secondary Schools, Wirral Six Form and Wirral Met College.
Each school/college has a designated HSIS Youth Worker that provides young people with an opportunity to access confidential support on any issues which may be affecting them.
We provide support to young people around Building Resilience, Reducing risks, Relationships, Sexual Health (including issuing condoms in some schools) Drugs, Alcohol, Emotional Health and Well-Being, Stress and Anxiety.
To get support in school/ college contact your school pastoral lead of head of year.
Download a copy of our latest timetable
Response Counselling Service
The Response counselling service works with young people aged 13-18. It is a free confidential service working with young people with moderate to severe issues which include suicide ideation, self harming, depression, high levels of anxiety bereavement etc.
We also work with the Response Alcohol and drugs team as many referral come for both services. Our work is separate from but alongside CAMHS, sharing risk between the 2 services. The referral system is usually by filling in a referral form and sending it by email unless it’s a parent referring and we can take it over the phone. We can only accept referral if it’s with the consent of the young person.
If a young person mentioned suicide then it’s fine for a worker to talk with them but it does need referring on, talking about suicide will never increase the risk of a young person taking their own life.
Self harm can include many ways , it is a physical way of dealing with an emotion. Again it needs referring on as stopping a young person from harming themselves isn’t going to deal with why they are having to do it.
Response coordinator 01516664123/3783 email barrymarsden@wirral.gov.uk
Emergency-ring 999
hatch
hatch is here to make sure that you have emotional wellbeing support.
Much of the time we are not born with the innate ability to cope with these things on our own.
This is where we can help. hatch provide 1-1 sessions to help develop a range of skills and strategies that can have a positive impact on your mental health and wellbeing. Our volunteer mentors support you to complete a computerised CBT skills intervention called Bazaar -that explores which things work best for you. CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which sounds pretty intimidating. What it actually means is learning a way of thinking that helps us face tough times in a positive way.
hatch support Wirral Young People aged 11 -16yrs
To get in touch about accessing hatch please head to our website and complete a referral form via our 'Get in touch' page.
Access is free and immediate.
Twitter: @hatchmerseyside
Instagram: @hatchmerseyside
Website: hatchmerseyside.co.uk
OPEN DOOR CENTRE
If you are aged 17 - 30, you can become a member and then access as many of our services as you like, including Creative Therapeutic Support if you are feeling down, low, stressed or anxious, numerous different activities within music and the arts, unique training and volunteering opportunities and much more. Membership is free, with no waiting lists.
CAMHS Advice Line
This site was created for young people, carers and professionals to pool together lots of helpful resources from across the internet.
24 hour mental health line 0800 145 6485 any age.
Action for Children (Counselling)
Best start in life
We know how important the early years are - and we’re here to help. From parenting advice to education and early intervention, we focus on improving children’s life chances.
Good mental health
Everyone has ups and downs in life. Our mental and emotional well-being experts work with families and schools to make sure children and parents feel able to cope with challenges when they arise.
A safe and loving home
We make sure more children feel part of a family that cares for them. We find homes for those without, protect children who have been abused or neglected, and help ensure young carers don’t miss out on a childhood.
KOOTH (Online counselling)
Free, safe and anonymous online support for young people
Monday – Friday 12pm – 10pm
Saturday – Sunday 6pm – 10pm
SHOUT
Shout is an affiliate of Crisis Text Line® in the UK that provides free, confidential support, 24/7 via text. It’s the first free 24/7 texting service in the UK for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. Shout is available in England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland
Text SHOUT to 85258 in the UK to text with a trained Crisis Volunteer
or
Text BLUE to 85258 to get resources and sign posting information.
Every texter is connected with a real-life human being trained to bring people from a hot moment to a cool calm place through active listening and collaborative problem-solving. All of our Crisis Volunteers donate their time to helping people in crisis.
Anxiety UK
Provides information, support and advice for anyone struggling with anxiety.
Live chat service available.
Phone: 03444 775 774
Text: 07537 416 905
Email: support@anxietyuk.org.uk
Opening times: 9.30am-5.30pm, Monday-Friday
No Panic
Supports people struggling with panic attacks, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), phobias and other anxiety-related issues related - and provides support and information for their carers.
Offers a specialist youth helpline for people aged 13-20. The opening hours are 3pm - 6pm, Monday - Friday; 6pm - 8pm, Thursdays and Saturdays.
Call 01952 680835 for a recorded breathing exercise to help you through a panic attack (available 24/7).
Information about call costs here.
Phone: 0300 7729844
Phone: 0330 606 1174 (Youth helpline)
Email: sarah@nopanic.org.uk
Opening times: 10am - 10pm, 365 days a year
OCD Action
Offers support and information to anybody affected by obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
Website provides information and advice to help you access treatment.
Phone: 0300 636 5478
Email: support@ocdaction.org.uk
Email: youthhelpline@ocdaction.org.uk
Opening times: 9:30am - 8pm, Monday - Friday
The Mix
Offers support to anyone under 25 about anything that’s troubling them.
Email support available via their online contact form.
Free 1-2-1 webchat service available.
Free short-term counselling service available.
Phone: 0808 808 4994
Opening times: 4pm - 11pm, seven days a week
Childline
If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.
Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.
Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.
Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: 9am - midnight, 365 days a year
YoungMinds Crisis Messenger
Provides free, 24/7 text support for young people across the UK experiencing a mental health crisis.
All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors.
Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus.
Texts can be anonymous, but if the volunteer believes you are at immediate risk of harm, they may share your details with people who can provide support.
Text: YM to 85258
Opening times: 24/7